bedtime rumination

at the end of the school day

I pack my school and computer bags
stuff books and papers in both bags 
and make a mental list of all the things I’m going to accomplish tonight
I get home at 5:00 pm
and head for my bedroom and a hot shower
the water is not hot, but it will do
my husband and son go for a walk
meanwhile I grab my computer, 
determined to clear the tabs from my browser
30 minutes later, I’ve bookmarked a few,
and left others to review tomorrow
I still haven’t gotten through my to do list from two days ago
I carry the weight of all the things I haven’t done
I want to empty my bag at school
only a notebook left there at the end of the day 
to plan, reflect or for reading
I am forever fighting this feeling of coming from behind
never catching up
always more to do
I struggle with being kind to myself
so, it’s time to pick up a book 
read myself to sleep
an empty school bag
only a notebook
I will lift the weight off my mind
good night.

It’s gonna be all right

I’m riding on a cloud at the moment,
starting to relax.

My relationship with my students is changing.

Will it last?

Maybe it started towards the end of our first read aloud, Rules by Cynthia Lord.
Or it may it’s because of Fish in a Tree by Lynda Mullaly Hunt.
It doesn’t matter.

But will it last?

It feels right.
It feels satisfying.
The tension is slowly fading away
a fleeting memory even now.

Why did it take so long, I wonder?

Or, maybe it’s the way of building a community.
It takes time for everyone to settle in
to figure out their role.
to trust each other
to know that this is for keeps.

Do they feel the same way?

I smile more.
I am myself.

I am like the cat who
curls up into a ball,
and feeling blissful,
purrs and purrs and purrs.

I am inside my teacher self.
We read.
We write.
We talk.
We laugh.
We experiment.

It’s gonna be all right.

Cross posted to Slice of Life Tuesday