I am a people pleaser.
I am also a rule follower.
Explosive combination, wouldn’t you agree?
Sometimes, pleasing someone and following the rules is not a problem.
At other times, in order to please someone, I must break the rules.
And still at other times, in order to follow the rules, I will likely disappoint someone in my life.
Either way, where do I fit into this scenario?
And, that’s where I need to enter the conversation by reminding myself of the principles that give direction and meaning to my life.
Being a rule follower is one of them, though I can break the rules when they are unfair or unjust. But striving to be honest is at the top of my list.
And that is probably one of the reasons why I haven’t been successful at getting access to certain positions, jobs or promotions that I was hoping for.
I have also moved around a bit during the course of my career, so establishing relationships and finding mentors has been a challenge.
And, of course, there’s that bloody awful imposter syndrome that rears its head often enough. I have probably transmitted a vibe that says: ‘I have nothing to say because other people have already said it and in a way that is probably more appealing and more interesting than anything I could cobble together, but I’ll give it a try anyway even if I fail because then I could at least say I tried.’
So much negativity in that last paragraph, wouldn’t you agree?
I am truly my own worst enemy.
But I am trying to evolve, and shift and create to influence and be true to myself.
In the process, I am learning to be my own best friend by focusing on the positives and reminding myself that I one of the reasons I became an educator was to be of service to my students and their families. To practice an education for liberation.
None of this is glamorous. None of it will generate a larger salary or bonus pay. None of it will add to what I want my legacy to be at the end of the day, which is to empower young people to continue to learn, question, stand up for others, and become better humans than those of previous generations.
A little vague? Perhaps. But I see so much brilliance in today’s youth that I have faith they will figure it out. That, after I have done my part, whatever else happens is the way it’s supposed to be.
Cross posted to the Two Writing Teachers Tuesday Slice of Life Story Challenge.
5 thoughts on “Being true to myself”
I am also a people pleaser and a rule follower. Pair that with an introvert, and it is a pretty lethal combination. I believe it takes all kinds of people to make this world a better place, even those like us. Keep that critic out of reach. You are a beautiful and kind person, and your students – past, present, and future – are lucky to have you!
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Thank you for your comment, Leigh Anne. So hard to keep that inner critic at bay. But the more I make my writing public the easier it becomes to deal with that little voice in my head.
I love this line: “But I am trying to evolve, and shift and create to influence and be true to myself.” I have to put this in my notebook!
You have done so much reflection here, responding to your thinking in such a thoughtful way. Answers are so hard to find but you continue to revisit your why.
Becoming a better human and helping others to become better humans – isn’t this a wonderful aim in life?