I have not written a blog post since October of last year, if I’m not mistaken. It was a deliberate, but silly decision. I was annoyed because I didn’t get something I wanted that was directly related to blogging; I had applied twice and both times I got close, but not close enough. So I was mad and decided not to blog publicly for a while.

Infantile behavior, I know. But evolving and learning to do better is not defined by a straight path.

I finally decided that by making this decision, I was only hurting myself.

So, I’m going to start blogging regularly again. I need to explore some truths, like the one that follows.

The first year I was back teaching in person after COVID, I felt like the worst teacher ever. In fact, it was the worst year of my career. I struggled almost every day. I took two short-term leaves. I tried my best, but always felt like I was coming up short.

At the beginning of this school year, I got my teaching groove back, like Stella…and then I got a severe case of pneumonia and had to take a 2-month leave. I’d only been with my students for six weeks when I got sick and didn’t return until the first day back in January.

I had to start all over again. I had to revisit so many procedures. I had to rebuild my relationship with students. I had to figure out where to continue their learning and how to move forward.

Sometimes, I have felt like I’m being too rigid with my students. I’m not letting go of the little things and instead I’m perseverating on small behaviors rather than addressing the big issues.

So, I’ve spent time reflecting on what’s happening and I’ve come up with some things I’ve noticed that could be impacting my response in the classroom.

I have a very challenging student this year who would benefit from having a full-time assistant; we don’t have one.

Teachers have more paperwork and administrative tasks to do than ever before.

I’m still recovering from my bout with pneumonia and am nursing a Spring Break cold as I write this.

I am a couple of years from leaving the classroom and I am thinking about all the things I still want to do as a teacher.

I am starting to contemplate having a different role in education. Although I have yet to figure out what that is, I have a lot of ideas.

I feel young, but I’m painfully aware that I’m not; I know some of my colleagues are wondering: how much longer is she going to stay?

I have high standards and need to give my students and myself grace.

On those days when I feel like I’ve failed, I will remember that I am a good enough teacher, and I will try again the next day. We all deserve multiple opportunities to get things just right.

I look forward to writing a weekly post. I hope you’ll look forward to reading it.